A message to our patients and to friends and family around them.
Miscarriage is one of the most underappreciated negative events in a woman’s and or couples’ life. It is clear, psychologically, that a pregnancy loss at any time during the pregnancy is like a death in the family. If you add infertility to the equation, it only gets much worse. As soon as the female partner has been notified of a positive test an enormous amount of bonding happens with the pregnancy.
To those around the couple, in early pregnancy loss, there is never any outward evidence of pregnancy that allows those people to “bond“ with the pregnancy. In many cases, the couple may not have even made a public declaration of pregnancy by the time the loss occurs. Therefore, when there is a loss, friends and family do not tend to appreciate the overall significance and often things are said which can be very hurtful like “you can just try again.“ Even husbands who may not have a similar bond to the pregnancy as the female partner had may underestimate the significance of this event and say things that can create significant grief for the female partner. Our experience has been over the years that patients need to grieve these losses as they would the loss of a child. Communication needs to remain open between the couple and their friends and family. Remember be very supportive but don’t offer solutions as they will come across uncaring. These are life changing events for these couples.
Michael D. Fox, MD
Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility
Advanced Reproductive Specialists